You can maintain peace and integrity during a difficult process.

How does one really prepare for divorce? I mean, you prepare for a wedding, you prepare for a marriage but how do you prepare for a divorce? When do you prepare for a divorce? Well, I’ll tell you.

My husband started preparing for divorce a full year and a half before he told me. He started preparing for divorce when he made the decision in his mind that he didn’t know if he wanted to be married; when he was no longer willing to put in the hundred percent effort required to be married. I didn’t know he was preparing for divorce – but he did. He was preparing for the emotional break. That is the most important preparation there is.

There are other ways to prepare for divorce. The best way to prepare for divorce is to move out. Yes. Separate yourself. Often the minute people become upset they want to think about divorce, they want to call a divorce attorney. You’re not ready; you’re just thinking about divorce. Prepare yourself first. Prepare by establishing separate residences. Because isn’t that what divorce really means? I no longer want to live with you. I no longer want to share a life with you. I want to live separate and apart from you. So, establish those separate residences.

“What about my kids?” you say. Do I just have to move out and leave my children? Maybe. Maybe you don’t want to take your children. Something’s going to happen. Was it your intention that the kids were going to live in both places? What is it exactly that you think a divorce is going to do? You have to think about that. People go to court, they spend thousands of dollars, they spend months and months, years even, for what? Not because they want to stay married. Because they don’t know how to divide the assets, how to divide the debt or how they’re going to care for the children. If you begin this work before you file for a divorce, you’ll save yourself a lot of time and a lot of money and a lot of headache.

Another way to prepare for divorce is to separate out all of your assets and all of your debts. By that I mean, establish a separate and individual and independent financial identity. If you say to me “but we’ve never joined our bank accounts together”, then I’ll say “you’ve always been preparing for divorce”.

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